There are many different friendships out there. Some people have a lot of friends, some people have few friends, and some people have zero friends. I fall in the category of “few friends” so in my adult life I have thought that’s why I am close with the friends that I do have. But, the friends that I have today, as a working mom in metro-Detroit, are not friends that I have had my whole life…the road to finding mom friends started a very long time ago.
My first best friend was because our houses were kitty-corner from each other. Our parents both moved into their homes on Wyllys Street at the same time in the Summer of 1985. Kathy and I were both born that summer, we went through school together, and we were in the same social group through most of K-12.
After graduation, we parted ways and went to different colleges. Making friends in college was my next milestone to encounter. That takes me back to Central Michigan University in 2006, when I listened to Nelly Furtado and The Ying Yang Twins. I was single and the college mingle, so I never intended to make new friends…but the friends I did make had a lot to do with my overall college experience. I don’t remember the guy I danced with at the club, I remember the girl who drove me home from the club and we stopped to get fast food on the way.
To be honest about my college education, I didn’t meet these friends at the club, we met in class. The few friends I did meet were very close and stayed as close as we could years after graduation, but distance still parted us. Patty is now living her dream in Cali and Shannon is living her dream in Northern MI.
After college I met my husband, Randy. Fast-forward thirteen years to today: Randy and I are married with two beautiful daughters. Before the girls, it was just the two of us, so he was really in the place of a best friend for me.
It’s cliché to say I married my best friend because that isn’t true. It was my mistake ever thinking someone “From Mars” could be my best friend, haha! But really, married with young children I feel like a momma wolf tending to her cubs while daddy wolf is out hunting all day.
As momma wolf, it is part of survival to have a close friend. I need someone to talk to, I need someone to watch my cubs, I need someone to have playdates with regularly, so it makes sense to have a bff who lives close to home.
It’s not easy to make mom friends. Where do you meet other moms? How do you connect with them? I was introduced to other moms through my daughter’s school, it was on the first day of three year preschool when the teacher said, “look next to you because the people beside you will be like family.” I laughed this off at first, but she was right. It wasn’t until four year preschool ended that my relationship with another preschool mom really took off.
Coincidentally, our kids sat next to each other on the first day, and as moms we were standing there next to each other. We did not know that our friendship would grow one day, just like the teacher predicted. We should’ve followed our kid’s examples and became best friends that very first day.
But, I will reiterate, it’s not easy to make mom friends. Most families have boundaries, and all families are different. When you make friends with another mom, you also befriend and gain trust from their family. Making a mom friend doesn’t happen quickly.
Sam and I didn’t know how much we’d vibe as friends until our mommy paths crossed over and over again. We weren’t in each other’s college classes and we definitely didn’t grow up living across the street from each other, but the friends we have both endured up to this point have made us who we are today. The different lives we have both lived up to today have helped us find common ground as mothers.
I encourage you not to look too far for a friend, because you are already close to them.
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Jenni Laplow 