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Read the Feedback

Here’s the feedback I received on my Generate Something New assignment.

Feedback by C

How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting? 
I feel like she’s an introverted, sensitive, shy teenager, with some anxiety issues. This was mostly portrayed through her engagement with the world (her fellow classmates, school), activities she engages in (doodling, journaling), her backstory and her internal dialogue. I felt it was a very clear portrayal thanks to the different ways in which she was portrayed, and it was interesting because I’m sensing a highly creative, complex character developing. 

What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on? 
The fact that we are deep-diving into a character’s creative process and very clearly building towards something, to me, clearly signaled that this was a story. 

What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing? 
I loved the characterization, through interactions, actions and memories, as well as the fact that the photograph of her grandparents seems to be the hub or magnetic center around which her whole development as a character hinges. It’s clearly going to be central to her development and what happens! One thing that struck me is that the writing is strongest when you’re ‘showing’ me how and why she is the way she is, rather than narrating or telling me. I would consider maybe including more ‘active,’ ‘showing’ elements than ‘telling’ elements. Great beginning!

Feedback by D

How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting? 
The reader gets a feel for the character quite quickly and their sadness giving a feeling of empathy in the reader wanting to see something good happen for her. You don’t find out an awful lot about the characters appearance or how she reacts with others, but that leaves you wanting to find out. 

What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on? 
Yes I wanted to read on to find out more about the character and where they were going, what their story was. 

What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing? 
Plenty of information about the back story that is probably driving the character perhaps some editing to say the same a little more quickly drawing the reader into the story and finding out more?

BONUS Comments:

Comment 1: Well, you got one thing bang-on as far as I’m concerned. I want to know more! I love the way you have, very quickly, given quite a lot of back story, giving us a fair amount of insight into the character of the protagonist. Brief while still very informative and intriguing!

Comment 2: I really liked it, the protagonist’s personality came through nicely as did a lot of background history and some traits of the other characters too – which helped to flesh out the world. I think maybe it could be edited just once more to remove a few extraneous words, like ‘notebook’ might be used one too many times but that’s a very small detail (just if you want something constructive to go on…). Overall really enjoyed it!

Read it again HERE.

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